April 2005
Privates on parade at Yankee Stadium
Friday night’s Yankee starter: Johnson
Saturday afternoon’s Blue Jay starter: Bush
Saturday afternoon’s Yankee starter: Wang
Maybe the games should be listed with a "TV-Mature" warning in the cable guide?
A-Rod’s balls are not for sale!
A-Rod stops sale of "unauthorized" memorabilia
$399 per ball? Wow … I guess $252 million doesn’t go as far as it used to.
Dmitri Young multitasks
6’2", 245 lb. Dmitri Young, the guy who hit 3 homers on opening day, swiped a base off of White Sox hurler Damaso Marte in the 7th inning. Somehow I have a feeling Sox 2B Tadahito Iguchi never saw guys this big bearing down on him in Japan.
Is there NOTHING this man can’t do? 
How NOT to create runs …
I think its high time for the Mets to drop Reyes and Matsui from the top of the order. Leadoff man Reyes’s OBP is hovering around .270 … which coincidentally is his BA, since he has yet to draw a walk this season.
Of course, this isn’t new news for Jose, but the decision to put him in the leadoff spot (to take advantage of his speed) doesn’t help Beltran/Floyd/Piazza’s RBI opportunities. At this rate, the 3 power guys could all hit 20+ HRs but still drive in less than 90.
For all the whining about the offensive futility of Rey Ordonez, the only things that separate him from Reyes is XBH power and speed.
Matsui has 4 walks on the year … in the 2 spot. Again, this means that his offensive worth at the top of the lineup is almost totally dependent on batting average, which is a shaky proposition for anyone not named Ichiro.
Hey Willie … plug Wright in the 2 hole, let Matsui leadoff for a while, and drop Reyes to 7th or 8th until he gets it in his head that the team needs him to get on base in any/all ways he can.
With the cancellation of the NHL season …
… I found it surprising that Red Wing fans at Comerica didn’t celebrate Dmitri Young’s 3-homer game by throwing octopi on the field!
My chance encounter with “Howard Johnson”
I asked him, "anybody ever told you you resemble Howard Johnson?"
He looked discouraged and sighed "…yes"
I could see I asked a foolish question, so I said …
"well, are you having as good a year as he is?"
That got him smiling.
The Babe and the bear
In June 2003, I was in Boston for a wedding, and I stopped in a Starbucks across from South Station. As a collector of Starbucks stuff, I wanted one of those new Starbucks baseball bearistas (a teddy bear wearing a replica uniform).
I found one in the store (in a Red Sox uniform, of course), and brought it to the cashier …
Me: don’t tell anyone … but I’m taking this back to New York
Cashier: ooh … I don’t know if we can sell that to you then …
Me: why not … you guys sold us Babe Ruth!
Cashier: and we haven’t lived it down since …
The Old Man and the Secret
(insert Sammy pitch)
"How many homers will I hit this year? Depends!"
"How many games will the Cubs win? Depends!"
"What undergarment do I wear besides my BVDs and cup? That’s right … Depends!"
(end Sammy pitch)
(insert voiceover)
"That right fans, when Sammy is chasing down a line drive, or swinging for the fences, he doesn’t want to have to worry about bladder problems. So, he trusts Depends … the official incontinence undergarment of Major League Baseball"
(end voiceover)
(insert Sammy pitch)
"How will you know when I’m feeling REALLY comfortable on the field? Depends!"
(end Sammy pitch)
Must have been “Air Raid Night”
Game Notes
-Top of 2nd: THE GAME IS BEING DELAYED DUE TO A SIREN GOING OFF IN THE BALLPARK WHICH CANNOT BE SHUT OFF..
Baseball joke *(insert pathetic team of your choosing)
Finally, it is Little Johnny turn to tell what his father does for a career.
The teacher asked, "What does your daddy do for work Johnny?"
Little Johnny replies "My daddy is a male exotic dancer in a *** club where he takes all his clothes off in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is good enough he will go out back and have sex with other men for money."
Not knowing what to say, the teacher get everyone working on coloring project and approaches Little Johnny who is standing alone over by the window.
"Johnny is what you said about your dad true?" the teacher asked.
"No", replied Little Johnny, "he is a *______ player but I was too embarrassed to say."
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