From the home office in Brooklyn, NY … here is today’s Top Ten list …
"Top 10 things that might have been on Kenny Rogers’ hand last night"
10. Pine tar …. since Kenny really DID want to bat in the game, despite the presence of the DH.
9. Eye black … left over from his last daytime start.
8. S**t … as the Tigers’ clubhouse bathroom was out of toilet paper.
7. Black beans from his pre-game burrito.
6. Toner … from the copier in the Comerica Press Box (what … you weren’t aware he was already preparing for his post-baseball career as a copier repairman?)
5. The remnants of his kids’ exploded Etch-a-Sketch.
4. Remnants of Leyland’s cigarette tar and nicotine-laced expectorations.
3. A VERY bad batch of Barry Bonds’ infamous "cream".
2. A flesh-eating bacterium sent from George Steinbrenner.
and the number one thing that might have been on Kenny Rogers’ hand last night …
1. Blackface from Kenny’s afternoon matinee as the lead in "The Al Jolson Story".
"Many crazed baseball fans have said they would die for a championship. But are they willing to take that devotion to the grave? Major League Baseball and a company that makes funeral products will soon find out just how many fans want to be decked out for all eternity in tribute to their team.
Starting next season, fans of the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox, Detroit Tigers, Philadelphia Phillies, Chicago Cubs and Los Angeles Dodgers will be able to have their ashes put in an urn or head six feet under in a casket emblazoned with their team colors and insignia.
MLB has entered a licensing agreement with Eternal Image, which hopes to eventually make urns and caskets for all 30 teams."
… so will you be able to be buried 60 feet 6 inches under?
"It is not easy to conjure $500,000 out of the ether, but the Chicago White Sox have discovered a way. Their financial trick was really quite simple.
They changed their evening game times at U.S. Cellular Field.
No more 7:05 p.m. or 7:35 p.m. games, of which there are about 50. They will all begin, for the next three seasons, at 7:11 p.m., courtesy of 7-Eleven, the convenience store giant, which will pay the team an average of a half-million dollars a year to be the name behind the time.
“It’s a fun way to insert our name into fans’ hearts and minds,” said Margaret Chabris, a 7-Eleven spokeswoman. “We think it’s worth way more than $500,000.” She said that 7-Eleven is talking to other baseball teams about sponsorship deals that would include starting their games at 7:11.
The shift to 7:11 at U.S. Cellular Field was not envisioned when the team and 7-Eleven were working on the details of a sponsorship deal that would have kept the starting times at 7:05 and 7:35.
But team executives said that 7-Eleven wanted a new wrinkle to the more traditional sponsorship they were working on, which includes 25,000 giveaway coupons at each game. That could strain the Slurpee-making capacity of the 7-Elevens in the Chicagoland area."
Questions that immediately come to mind …
Given the tortoise pace of many baseball games, is it really wise for a "run-in-and-out" "convenience store" to sponsor a team. Wouldn’t they be better off sponsoring …. oh, I don’t know … drag racing?
When Ozzie Guillen makes a bonehead decision during a game, will he attribute it to a Slurpee "brain freeze"?
Rest in peace Buck. Your warmth, generosity and humor will be missed.
Here comes the post-season …. and my predictions for the Division Series
Yankees over Tigers in 4: Yankees’ walk and bash offense and post-season experience will wear out Tigers young arms. Tigers’ lack of plate discipline will doom them. Torre has managed to rest key players, while Leyland had to push his regulars all the way (and they STILL blew the division by losing 3 straight …. to the Royals … at home). Rivera might be needed only twice in the series.
A’s over Twins in 5: An extremely difficult series to pick. Its going 5 either way. It will swing on Harden’s effectiveness, and the A’s bullpen. Can Mauer, Hunter and Morneau continue to carry the Twins? Do the A’s fear any of the Twins’ starters other than Santana? Do the Twins pitchers fear anyone other than Frank Thomas?
Padres over Cardinals in 4: Pads superior starting pitching will swing what should be a low-scoring series. Pujols may set a post-season record for IBBs. Is Hoffman tired? But even if he is … he’s probably still more reliable than the Cards bullpen. Cardinals must look to create runs anyway possible (will Piazza start for the Pads … if so, watch the Cards harken back to 1985).
Mets over Dodgers in 5: The two best offenses in the NL go at it, with question marks all over the Mets rotation, and the Dodgers dinged up as well (Kent, Nomar and Penny). This is going to be a "survive through 6 innings" series, as the bullpens will get heavy use. Saito and Wagner are going to be fun to watch. Will Grady Little put a logical line-up out there?
Early this week, I mentioned how the Devil Rays were on the verge of becoming the first team in over 60 years to go .500 or better at home while playing .250 or worse on the road.
The set-up for the D-Rays run to infamy
Well, with their 6-3 loss today in Cleveland, they’ve managed to do it!
D-Rays run off the side of the road games
Congrats to the D-Rays!